Slightly Insane Mom

"All mothers are slightly insane." –J.D. Salinger
April 30th, 2014

Worthless Crap Wednesday: Laundry

It’s time for a brand spanking new feature here on SIM. I’m calling it Worthless Crap Wednesday. Wednesdays are going to be reserved for posting about only the most worthless topics. So let’s get to it!

Laundry.  Back when I was a single gal, I actually sort of enjoyed laundry day. Did you notice what I said there? Laundry DAY, as in, a single, solitary day, once a week–heck, sometimes I even stretched it to every other week–on which I did a few loads of laundry. I’d get my little basket, the kind with the curvy indentation so I could rest it jauntily on my hip, and I’d grab my roll of quarters and off I’d go to the laundry room of my apartment building to do my load (singular) of colors and my load (singular) of whites. I’d throw in an episode of Sex and the City or Dawson’s Creek while I waited, and then it was done. Laundry. Check.

Oh, how I miss those days! Because this, my friends, is what I have now:


That’s just the dirty laundry. There’s another pile up on my bed waiting to be folded.

The kicker is, I JUST. DID. THE. LAUNDRY. Just did it. Just the other day. And here I am. Doing laundry.

Dante wrote about the 9 circles of hell. He was wrong. There’s actually a 10th circle, and it’s Laundry.

I was in the 10th circle of Laundry Hell this morning. I went down to start a load, and discovered that there was a load in the washing machine already. Apparently it had been forgotten about for a few days, because it smelled like a Wet Dog and Toe Fungus Sandwich. I started the load over again, with hot water and copious amounts of detergent and Oxi Clean. (Does that stuff actually do anything? I’ve been using it for years, mainly, I think, for psychological purposes.)

Once the load was done, I went to transfer it to the dryer, only to discover that there was a load of whites in there. Still wet. Le sigh. Started the dryer.

Waited an hour.

I opened the dryer and pulled out a dry blanket and dry sheet, and discovered a NEW LAUNDRY PHENOMENON. The pillow that was in the load somehow managed to suction itself to the side wall of the dryer drum, defying all rules of physics (or something). I had to literally peel the pillow off the side of the dryer, and the side that was attached to the dryer wall was–as you might guess–soaking wet. Le sigh. Started the dryer again.

Waited another hour.

Friends, it took me THE ENTIRE MORNING to clean one load of clothes.

Once the laundry is done, I schlep it upstairs and dump it out on our bed to fold. But God forbid I have to leave the room and actually leave a pile of inanimate objects unattended. If I do, I might come back to this scene:


Thing 1 and Thing 2, curled up all innocently on my clean laundry. LE SIIIIIGH.

Some days I find myself resenting the people of my household for producing so much laundry. Look at them, I think. Just who do they think they are? Walking around here, wearing those clothes like they own the place!

The kicker is, I have a sneaking suspicion that I may be one of the largest laundry-producing offenders in our household. The other family members do contribute to the laundry-doing, and if my suspicion is correct, they may be shouldering an unfair percentage of the laundry burden.

But sometimes we must make sacrifices as part of being a family. It’ll all come out in the wash.